Battle's Blog: February 2007

What does a groundhog have in common with a famous baseball player? Many things we might not expect. One of them is that they both taste like chicken - yes we very well might not expect one or both of them to taste like chicken, but you never know until you try. I'm thinking about trying next Thanksgiving - catch the little bugger while he's just settling down to a nice REM sleep pattern. Won't they be surprised on February 2nd when they reach into his cozy dugout, I mean burrow, to find it cold and empty. Why do I feel this way? Well, first of all the turkey NEVER gets a break, does he? I'm talking about the bird, not the turkey I previously referenced. And speaking of Mr. Tom Turkey, if the poor bird survives Thanksgiving it still has to sweat out Christmas. That's making a real contribution to society. Looking out over my frozen snow-covered walkway I feel a warm surge of resentment that anybody would give any weight to that rodent's prediction. PHIL!!!! Where are you now ?!?!!?? Napping again!!!! Your "job" is done - you gave us hope, and then you dashed our dreams upon an icy jagged cul-de-sac. You struck out, just like Mighty Casey - almost. I say, "almost," because you're different from that beleaguered batter. YOU do it every year - hoodwink us, then fall back asleep for as long as you damn well please.

This year will be different, however. I know it will. I can envision my warm sense of satisfaction, and even Mudville's long-suffering trials might feel lighter, when we roast Phil instead of Tom this Thanksgiving. If you're really dead-set (figuratively speaking) on having a turkey on your dinner table, why not serve turducken with a difference? Just stuff a turkey with a duck and instead of stuffing the duck with a chicken use a groundhog. Turduckhog - the other white meat(s)!!! Tastes just like chicken, we hope!!! Bone a portmanteau!

No posting would be complete without pictures and here are some from last Thanksgiving. If you think these people look happy in the photos, just wait until next year. You've got a friend in Pennsylvania.